Yes, it’s a trap. But you already know this. That special someone who is not available as a complete package. He lives in L.A. He’s in an open relationship. He calls or texts to hang out late night only.
These are all examples of a person that is unavailable - someone who’s got a block to having a fully committed relationship. Not that there’s anything wrong with long distance, open relationships or booty calls – but it signals that they will probably not end up your soul mate.
But why are unavailable guys so sexy? Well, there’s a couple reasons.
1. They’re fun. They are either having fun with you or in front of you and that’s alluring. We fantasize that we’ll have good times with them forever.
2. There’s great boundaries. Boundaries feel good in a relationship, and with this guy they’re forced onto both of you because he’s taken up by a job, another person, physical distance, etc. With this scenario, we believe that the relationship is healthy because it is not all consuming or too sparse.
3. They’re mysterious. Something or someone else has his attention. We don’t know everything about him. He’s spending time with us but not fully committing. This leads to a fantasy that eventually he’ll be open and decide to be with us %100.
There are many more reasons, but I hope you’re getting the picture about the fantasy part. Unavailable guys spark fantasies and delusions about what the relationship is and could be – but it’s a dangerous trap! These guys most often are ambivalent about what they want and you cannot change them. Holding out doesn’t work either.
Even if you could snag him, he is destined to stray and divide his attention once again. You are worth more! When you let go, you stop joining the ambivalent game with him and can open space for a fantastic person who is committed to YOU.