How Many Walls Does It Take To Disconnect?

What walls are keeping you from connecting on your dates?

What walls are keeping you from connecting on your dates?

I have a friend who perpetually goes on first dates.  I can relate, because there was a time that was in the same boat.  Meeting lots of people, getting numbers, getting dates - but for some reason date #2 never materializes.                                                                                                       

I have another friend who's been dating their boyfriend for a year and they complain that the relationship is in a rut: they go through the motions of dinners, movies, parties, bars and yet there doesn't seem to be progression in the relationship.  

What do these two have in common?   

Yes, they're disconnected.  Lets get some background to understand.  

Friend 1, who is constantly on first dates, grew up in a traditional Hondoures family.  Her family owned a restaurant and everyone worked it.  Her parents were loving but strict and respect was based on conforming and holding the needs of others before your own.  

Friend 2 grew up in a liberal white family. His mother was an alcoholic and no one in the family ever talked about it.  The family did many events together, but pretended they didn't notice mom's intoxication.  This son learned to keep quiet about personal problems and began focusing only on the positive qualities of his past.  

Both of these friends, like so many of us, created walls that blocked them from connecting with the full range of their emotions and thoughts.  When we're not in touch with our deeper parts or we hold in our true self, people can't get sense of who we are, what we're about, our passions, our dreams.  And this can lead to stale first dates or perpetual generic dating that isn't fulfilling or stimulating for anyone.  

What are your walls?  How have you learned to protect yourself? What parts are you hiding?  What would you be willing to share if you know that it would draw people closer to you?  

Go for it!